locals' secrets

1. In-N-Out
333 Jefferson Street
Fast Food Restaurant
Cost: $6
I know this is a chain with like eleventy-hundred locations, but even the most die-hard locavore will travel from all ends of The City for a delicious Double Double. Nearly everyone I talk to lumps a trip to In-N-Out with whatever reason they are visiting the Wharf. It’s like “Yeah, I gotta meet my aunt and uncle over at the Wharf before they go to Alcatraz, so I’m gonna make sure to swing by In-N-Out afterwards.” I usually respond with “will you please bring me back something?”

2. Tanguito Argentinian Food Truck
2850 Jones Street
Fast Food Restaurant
Cost: $8
Do not under any circumstances google images of Tanguito Argentinian Food Truck. Oh shoot, you just did, didn’t you? I warned you! Now you’re gonna spend the rest of your day fantasizing about the Tanguito burger aren’t you? That delicious combination of beef, cheese, and chimichurri sauce is enough to make you weak in the knees. And if or some reason you’re still hungry afterwards, the empanadas are like little hot pockets from heaven. Ahh man, now I’m gonna google the images.

3. Musee Mecanique
Pier 45, Shed A
Museum
Cost: Free
This might be the coolest place, not just on Fisherman’s Wharf, but in all of San Francisco. Part museum/part arcade, Musee Mecanique has an unimaginable array of coin-operated games ranging from the time they were invented up until today. Featuring everything from turn of the century hand-cranked music boxes to modern video arcade games, this is a great place to spend your time, and your quarters!

5. 7-D Experience
PIER 39
Attraction
Cost: $10
To begin with I like the fact that the 7-D Experience has absolutely zero regard for the laws of physics and the basic fabric that holds our universe together. They’re like “these silly humans can only perceive four dimensions (if you include time) so, let’s give them SEVEN DIMENSIONS and blow their minds!” I’m pretty sure the other three dimensions in this case are lasers, surround sounds, and zombies, but then again, I’m not a physicist. Anyways, there’s nothing else I can really do at this point but cut and paste their “about section” because well…you’ll see:

Experience the thrill of a roller coaster and the excitement of an interactive shooting gallery –all without leaving your seat in our state of the art digital theater with surround sound, 3D effects and the newest in laser technology. Compete to achieve the highest score in the theater as everyone tries to capture the gold, eliminate the bad robot cowboys, or survive the zombie apocalypse. The sharpshooter with the best aim will have their picture displayed on the big screen and everyone will have the opportunity to view and purchase their action “shot” as well.

I think you left part of your skull under your desk when your mind was just blown.

7. The Buena Vista
2765 Hyde Street
Bar & Restaurant
Cost: $9 (for Irish coffee)
Ah screw it. Some things are classic for a reason. The Irish Coffee was purportedly perfected here in 1952 and people have been coming through to fix both their caffeine and booze jonze ever since. On a cold, foggy night, when all the tourists are tucked away back home in Arizona or Istanbul it’s nice to sit here with an Irish Coffee and a book and imagine yourself in a San Francisco that existed a long time ago.